Hi everybody! Been awhile, I know, but I wanted to say hi, and that I renewed the domain for my website so hopefully I’ll get back to posting more comics and art soon!
I wanted to write a little bit here. It’s not necessary for anyone to read it. It’s more for myself. You know how it is, sometimes writing out your thoughts helps you tidy up the work station in your mental office. Anyway 3 years ago started taking an anxiety medication called Sertraline. And it worked. It did exactly what I was told it would do. My bubbling, fizzy anxieties began to settle down, I could smile at work and around my friends again, and things were OK. This year was fine too. More of the same. Even got a new apartment that I love. But lately I’ve been feeling differently. Wondering if I needed to still take the pills. I think Jim Carrey described it best when he said:
“I was on Prozac for a long time. And I’m not sure, it may have helped me out of a jam for a little bit… but people stay on it forever. I had to get off at a certain point because I realized… everything was just OK. There are peaks there are valleys, but they’re all kind of carved and smoothed out. And it feels like a low level of despair you live in. Where you’re not getting any answers, but you’re living OK. And you can smile at the office. But it’s a low level of despair.”
I just wanted a change. I had been reading about this all natural nootropic supplement that was supposed to enhance mental performance, increase focus and clarity, help with concentration and improve memory… all sounded good to me! I was excited to try it. Maybe it was what I needed to spark back. And I also thought it would be a good time to discontinue the medicine I had been on the past few years. (A somewhat risky decision to abruptly stop without consulting my doctor first, I know. But I was on the lowest dose prescribed and was confident I’d be fine without it.) That was 2 weeks ago. And I believe now I made the wrong decision. The supplement is fine, but coupled with the adjustment of quitting the Sertraline, I am not. Mentally, I feel out of whack. Irritated and impatient with almost everything and everyone, even though I’m trying hard to not take it out on anyone. It’s no-one’s fault that I feel this way except for my own anyway. I think that low level despair Jim Carrey was talking about, for me, came more from loneliness and drinking too much, not from the medicine. In fact, Sertraline did a whole lot of very positive things for me. I just thought I’d feel more like myself if I stopped taking it, but I don’t. I feel moody and anti-social, and that’s not me. So I think I’ll chat with my doctor, and maybe wean myself back on the Sertraline. Level myself out. There may come a day to stop taking it, but I don’t think it’s the right time for me. And I’m OK with that. The REAL changes I need to make aren’t gonna be found in a pill anyway, and I know that. I just need to focus on eating healthier, drinking less, exercising more, striving to achieve my creative goals, and have a little faith! 🙂
Thanks for reading!